Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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