i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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