I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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