I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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