thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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