Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
