Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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