I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
