Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
