I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
