I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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