I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
