I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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