i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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