Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
