we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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