you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
