wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
