Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
