Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
