just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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