she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
