I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
