Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
