I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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