the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
