if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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