Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
