When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
