dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
