i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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