peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
