Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
