Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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