every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
