The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
