I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
