so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
