He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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