mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
