I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Found the puke drawer
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sorry about my life...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
