mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
