My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
