After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
