I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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