I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
