there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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