My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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