I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
