Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
