Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
