drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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