its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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