First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
True college students do jello shots in the library
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
