if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
