I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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