He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if only i could text you this smell
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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