I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
