Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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