Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
420 ftw
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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