If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have tasted many bathrooms
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
