i think i have herpe
just one?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
