We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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