Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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