That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
