That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
