I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I would ride that face into the sunset
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize