Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
