I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
