he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My life is pants optional.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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