How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Small penises have feelings too.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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