My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
