so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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