Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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